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Help and FAQs - 'How to use the site'

Thank you for having visited this page
...please make sure you've read these FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
before you email us about a problem...

How do I get started navigating around the site?  

Is my browser compatible with the site?

How do I start searching for members?
What's all this about 'Matching' Criteria?
I want to do a more detailed search - what options are there?
What is my 'Favourite' search?

How do I know if someone has sent me a message?
How do I send someone a message?
How do I know if my message has been sent?
How do I know if someone has read my message?
How do I verify my email address?

How do I look up someone's profile?
What do the badges on top of members' profiles mean?  
How do I edit my own profile?
How do I change my email address?

How do I change my password?
How do I change my Username?

How do I add my photo?
What else can I do with photos?
Can I send someone my photo without having to display it publicly?

  Membership Options
How do I opt out of getting the newsletter and mailings?
I need a break - how can I stop appearing on the site for a while?
How do I put my membership on hold?
How can I permanently terminate my membership?
How do I adjust other settings of my account? e.g. Privacy, Email stuff, etc.
What are 'Favourite' members?

Free v Full Membership
Why bother upgrading?
Will my free membership expire and my profile be deleted??
I'm a free member - will you sell my email to other companies?
Are memberships subscriptions i.e. auto-rebilling?
How do I cancel my subscription?
Can I have a refund?

I've forgotten my password
The site doesn't work/I can't log in!
I'm a FULL member - but still showing up as a Free member - Why?!!
My profile changes don't appear to be saved



How do I get started navigating round the site?

The site is organised according to a main navigation bar and a submenu system.  


The Main Navigation Bar is the at the top of the screen. The colour depends on which version of our site you are looking at. It has the words

  Home    Pay     Profile   People    Search    Messages     Options    Help   Clubs+Events    Forums

This is your constant source of reference throughout our site. Each of these words is a hyperlink to a main section of the site.

When you click on one of these hyperlinks - e.g. Search - you will be taken to that section and the page title and submenu (under the menu) and quicklinks (in left hand margin of the page) will change.

For example - the above picture shows you the Search page of the site. The submenu options shown include
Detailed Search .

The site is designed so everything is no more than 2 clicks away. The site is very easy to navigate if you think logically>>> FIRST you choose the relevant hyperlink on the main navigation bar SECOND you choose the relevant submenu option or quicklink icon. Simple - just 2 clicks! Say you wanted to see all messages you have sent >>>

First think 'Message' Hmmm... that is probably on  Messages (from Main Navigation Bar )
Second press 
Messages Sent

We suggest you have a cruise round he site - clicking on all the items on the Main Navigation Bar to see what you can do on each page.

Is my Browser (e.g. AOL's browser) compatible with the site?

The site is designed to run on Internet Explorer (v5 and higher) and Netscape Navigator (v5 and higher). There may be issues with other browsers (Opera, AOL's inbuilt browser) that means our site doesn't work properly with other browsers. We're really sorry but we cannot guarantee functionality with other browsers - it takes all our resources to keep our Explorer/Navigator compatibility up to speed. Explorer/Navigator account for 95% of the browser market and are free to download.  

We know that there are issues with AOL's inbuilt browser not storing our cookies correctly that means AOL users need to use Internet Explorer (or Navigator) instead. Of course you still connect to the net via AOL - you just use Internet Explorer once you're connected.

You can download Internet Explorer from or Firefox from 

>>>We really recommend Firefox browser



How do I start searching for members?

Press Search on the main menu and you will be taken to the Speedy Search Page.

From the final option that says 'Show me' you can choose whether to see mini profiles or gallery view. 

Each time you carry out a search the search page automatically remembers what criteria values you entered. This means if you leave the page and return to it later (even if you also leave our site) you don't have to have to set up all the search criteria again.


I want to do a more detailed search - what options are there?

To do a more detailed search go to Search (main menu) followed by either Matching
Serach or Detailed Search

Detailed Search is good for pinpointing an exact type of person

Go to ' Search' on the main menu then press the Detailed Search icon. You can now search for precise values on all searchable fields. Detailed search doesn't allow you to have as many combinations as a Matching Search but it includes more fields to choose from and can be quicker. If you want to look for a 6ft tall Buddhist with red hair living in Wales...good luck!

Note the instructions on the page for Geographical searching.
...especially how the fields are 'ORed' together.

If you want someone just in Cambridgeshire do not put anything else in any of the other location boxes i.e do not put 'UK' in the Country box or 'East' in the Region Box'

Yes, we know Cambridgeshire is in the East of the UK 
HOWEVER, this is the equivalent of telling the computer Cambridgeshire OR UK OR East. i.e. any of the 3 are OK. So you will get everyone in the UK - from Land's End to John O'Groats 



Matching Search is good for combinations of criteria

Your matching criteria can include pretty much unlimited combinations of values on the most common searchable fields. e.g. you can specify Occasional Smoker OR Non Smoker (thereby just ruling out smokers) AND pHd OR Degree AND...etc., etc. If you make your matching search too complex it will be slow - so please leave categories set to 'Not bothered about this'  where this is the case.


What's all this about Matching Criteria?

These are powerful features and are set from Profile (main menu) then 'My Matching' and/or  Search (main menu) then Matching Search

Open to meet defines your minimum requirement for a partner - so don't be too picky with this. You can be a bit choosier with Ideal Match. Once you've set your criteria up other members can view these from your profile. The idea of this is so that members don't waste time messaging other members where there is some major incompatibility.

There are a few common mistakes made on these pages that mean your criteria are not as you would want them...

Mistake1. Ticking the 'Use this Criteria' checkbox then ticking ALL the checkboxes

>>>Including every combination is the same as saying I'm not bothered about hair - however it gives our computer a hard time. So you should just leave the 'hair' option looking like the following (to do this uncheck the 'Use this criteria' box next to 'Hair Colour') 


Mistake2. Ticking the 'Use this Criteria' checkbox then ticking NONE of the checkboxes

>>>This will eliminate everyone from the results!

Mistake3. ONLY checking the 'Not Relevant' checkbox is nearly always a bad idea.

>>>You are not saying in the above example that hair isn't relevant for you. You are saying that you are only interested in people who have answered the hair question as 'Not Relevant'. Most people are happy to state what sort of hair they have. Only a minority refuse to do this and state 'Not relevant'. Specifying the above means you rule out all the blonde, brown, black, auburn etc. people who have stated their hair colour (this amounts to most people!)

This is what your search should look like if you aren't bothered about hair >>>

This is what your search should look like if you just don't want to meet bald people (not that we're encouraging this discrimination) but otherwise aren't bothered >>>



4. Age and Height Mistakes

If you tick either of these criteria make sure you set sensible values (do not leave as default values). There is no point saying 'Use this criteria' (for age or height) then not setting values as below>>> 

>>> NO!

Much better is one of the following>>>
...if you're not bothered

...if you are bothered (and want to meet 27-37 year olds)



How do I know if someone has sent me a message?

The message will be forwarded to the email address you gave when you filled in your profile. Don't worry, the person who sent the message can't see this address! Also when you log in you can check your Messages received from the Messages page.

You can change the address to which email is forwarded on page 1 of your profile. See "How do I edit my own profile?"

How do I send someone a message?

Press the shortcut button (left hand menu) from the person's profile or mini-profile. Alternatively, in Gallery Search Results view there is a text hyperlink under each member. Any of these will take you to the to the 'Send Message' page.

How do I know if my message has been sent?

When you send someone a message it is logged in our system and we try to send a notification email straight away. You should see a confirmation message telling you that the message has been logged and an email sent. If you do not wait for the confirmation message e.g. if you are impatient and decide to go to another part of the site - then you can't be sure that your message has been correctly processed!

If it takes a long time to display your message confirmation then this usually means we are having problems with the member's mailserver.  

Occasionally problems with the member's mailserver mean we can't deliver the notification email at that point in time. Your confirmation message will tell you this. In this case the message is still logged on our system and we try to deliver the email later. So don't keep pressing 'Back' on your browser and sending it again as this will queue up many copies of the same message.

If you go to Messages (main menu) then Messages Sent and you can see your message it has been logged OK and the recipient can also access it. There is no need to send the message again.

How do I know if someone has read my message?

Use our "Read Receipt"  feature on the Send Message page. This sends an email alert to the person but not your message itself, thereby forcing them to visit the site to read your message. Once they do this you'll see a tick next to the message on your Messages Received Page. You should also be sent an email telling you of this.

Of course not sending a copy of your message via email is less convenient for the recipient - so use this feature with discretion. 

How do I verify my email address?

When you first joined our computer automatically emailed you a registration email. You simply click on the email validation link and you should be taken to our site and all this sorted automatically.

If this doesn't work note the validation code given on your registration email and go to ' Options' (main menu) then Email Settings (side menu) where you can enter it manually.

If the email never arrived go to Profile (main menu) then '1.Private Info' where you can request another registration email to be sent or correct your email address if you entered it incorrectly.



How do I look up someone's profile?

Press Search on the main menu then press the ' Search by Username' button. Now enter the Username of the person whose details you would like to see.

What do the badges on top of members' profiles mean?   

These are the member's 'Credentials':

'Email OK' Badge
= member has verified their email address - so you can be assured any messages you send will be received by them via their email. 
'Full Member' Badge = member is a Full member. Full members (having paid something) are often more likely to take the site seriously (respond to emails) than free members.  

'ID Checked' Badge = member has been in to see us for an ID check - so we've seen some proof they are who they say they are and where they live. Guys aren't usually bothered about women being ID checked. It is more a feature requested by typically 40+ women and women new to internet dating.  

How do I edit my own profile?

Press Profile on the main menu then choose which page of your profile you would like to edit. Make sure you press 'Save and Proceed' to save changes.

How do I change my email address?

Press 'Profile' on the main menu then press '1. Private Info' 

How do I change my password?

Press Profile on the main menu then press '1. Private Info' 

How do I change my Username?

Press Profile on the main menu then the 'Change Username' icon on the submenu. Only for full members!


How do I add my photo?

Members have the facility to upload your own photos to our website. Press Profile from the main menu then press the Upload Photo option on submenu where full instructions are given.  

You can also email or snailmail (post) a photo in to us and we'll sort it out for you - details are given on the MY MAIN PHOTO page.  


What else can I do with Photos?

Members can upload more than one photo - press Profile (on the main menu) then  Upload New Photo.

Members can show, hide or delete your own photos and add captions to them.

  • Your main photo is administered from  Profile then  MY MAIN PHOTO
  • Your other photos are administered from Profile then All my Photos
  • Full instructions are given on these pages.

FULL members have loads of extra facilities to do with Photos that Free members don't have, they can:

  • display all their photos to everyone
  • instantly publish their photos (Free members have to wait for their photo to be approved by a member of staff which can take some time)
  • upload a greater number of photos
  • have a 'private' photo that is not on public view that can be sent to other members   

Can I send someone my photo without having to display it publicly?

Yes! First upload your photo as explained in 'How do I add my Photo?'.

Next hide your photo. Go to Profile then 
All my Photos  and tick the relevant 'hide photo' checkbox then press 'Action'. Now although you can still see your photo it is not displayed on your profile or in searches - i.e. it is hidden.

Then when you want to show someone your 'hidden' photo you should tick the Photo button when sending a message to that person.



Why bother upgrading?

Full members have unlimited messaging - messaging for free members is restricted

Full members have access to a load of features that free members don't.

Full members keep us in a job - so we orientate the whole site for them. Our motto is 'Full members have more dates an more fun'. Whilst we cannot guarantee you more dates we do everything possible to bring this about - promoting full members in Search results, etc.

Checkout the Pay page for full details of this - go on!

Will my free membership expire and my profile be deleted??

Don't worry - we've no plans to do this!. Your profile is very comprehensive and takes quite a while to fill out so it wouldn't be fair to get you to do this then delete you just because your full membership expired.

However, If you don't use our site for absolutely ages (several months) then we may archive and eventually delete your details to save space. We'd try to email you notification and give you plenty of time to reactivate your account before this happened, though.  

I'm a free member - will you sell on my email to other companies?

There are 3 answers to this. No, no and no! We hate spam mail too. Even if you are too poor/mean/whatever to pay up and become a Full member we will treat your private details (e.g. email) with the same respect.

Are your memberships subscriptions i.e. auto-rebilling?

1 month and 3 month = YES, 1 year = no. This is really clearly stated on the  Pay page - before, during and after you pay.

How do I cancel my subscription?

Easy - go to the Pay page and press button at bottom of the form. You can cancel at any time during your membership - even 5 mins after signing up. When you cancel your membership will continue as a full member for the paid-for period then will revert to a free member

Can I have a refund?

We have a no-refund policy in our Terms and Conditions which all members must agree to before joining. We also don't know of any dating sites that offer refunds - so it's not just us being mean.

If we're at fault and screwed up in some significant way then we'll happily give you a refund e.g. we accidentally deleted your messages or you requested cancelling your subscription and we were late doing it (happens very rarely). No problem - we're at fault have your money back and an apology.

However for other things like

"No one contacted me"'re supposed to be proactive and send messages to other members not just wait to be emailed

"I haven't used the site"" or I forgot about my subscription"
...well that's not our fault.

We are usually happy to extend your membership or let you transfer it to a friend, though.



I need a break - how can I put stop appearing on the site for a while?

Go 'on hold' - see below...

How do I put my membership on hold?

Whilst 'on hold' you will not show up in search results and members cannot look at your profile. You can stay on hold for as long as you like. Members typically go on hold if they are busy, going on a long holiday or have met someone who they like and don't want any new introductions.

Press Options on the main menu then press the Suspend/Reactivate/Terminate button. Now choose what you wish to do. If you have good news or feedback - we'd love to hear it and a form is provided on this page.

It's up to you whether you still wish to keep email forwarding open. You may wish to do this if you are expecting email from people you have previously made contact with. If you decide to block email then anyone that tries to send a message will be notified that you are on hold and are not receiving emails.

Passive: removes you from most search lists but people can still message you. Passive = a good idea if you're inundated with too many messages.

Note for free members: Full members can choose to look at (+contact) Free members who are passive if they wish to. Also you can still be included in Yes-No-Maybe system. If you want a more private/'pick and choose' membership then you need to both upgrade and go 'Passive'.  

On Hold: removes you from search lists and stops messages: Good if you've met someone but not quite ready to delete your profile.
Works exactly the same if you are a free or full member.


How do I opt out of email newsletter and other emailings?

Log in, press Options on the main menu then press the Email Settings button. There is an option to opt out of our email newsletter and other emailings on this page.

This is easy to do, so we really appreciate if members to do this rather than emailing us saying 'UNSUBSCRIBE' (or similar) and expect us to sort this out. Also, you need your password to log in to our site, which gives you a safeguard against people tampering with your account. If you can't log in then please explain on an email to us why this is and we'll happily go to the trouble of sorting this out and stopping any unwanted emails.


How do I permanently terminate my membership?

Firstly, are you sure it wouldn't be better to just go 'on hold'?

If you're on hold then people can't see your details or send you email. However, you can re-activate whenever you wish. If you terminate your membership then all your profile details are permanently erased.

To terminate your membership press Options on the main menu then press Suspend/Reactivate/Terminate option. Now confirm in the text box that you want your membership terminated and press the button at the bottom of the screen.


How do I adjust other settings of my account? e.g. Privacy, Email stuff, etc.

Go to Options on the main menu and have a look round. We've included lots of options so you can fine tune your account to how you want it to work. For example you can decide if it's:

  • OK to receive HTML email
  • OK to receive members' messages via email
  • OK to receive messages from matchmaking consultants Email Newsletter:
  • OK to receive Newsletter
  • OK for non members to see my profile
  • OK for members to send my mini profile to friends


What are 'Favourite' members?

These are members who you have tagged whilst looking at their profiles. We include this facility because it's useful to browse through search results and mark members you are interested in then easily revisit these members' details later.

To add someone to you 'Favourites' list simply press the +Favourites button on their profile.

To review your favourites press the View Favourites button on the Home page. From your Favourites list you can easily send messages to selected members or delete them from your list.



I've forgotten my password

On the login screen press the link for "Forgotten your password?" and you can have your password reminder displayed or your password emailed to you. Make sure you haven't accidentally put CAPS LOCK on. If there is still a problem then email us from the email address that you specified when you joined up quoting your username.  

The site doesn't work / I can't log in

Over 90% or people that report that our site "is not working" turn out to have a problem with their ISP or with their browser. So, 

1. Make sure that you can access other Internet sites OK. Go to Google and do a search - if it works your Internet Connection is OK.

2. Make sure your browser accepts 'cookies' - these are an essential part of the security of our site. On Internet Explorer you set cookies by going to 'Tools' menu, then 'Options' then the 'Privacy' Tab. We suggest you specify our website URL as a 'trusted' site. Alternatively, decrease the 'privacy' setting to the minimum and all cookies will be accepted. Note 'Privacy' is different to 'Security' - we do not recommend you decrease your 'Security Settings'

3. Make sure you have a relatively up to date browser (e.g. Firefox or Internet Explorer). You can download new versions for free from  or 

>>>We really recommend FIREFOX - it is free, secure and easy to use. We all use Firefox in our office

If still a problem then remember to state explicitly on your email exactly what happens when you try to log in and exactly what the error message is

I'm a FULL member - but still showing as a Free member - Why?!!

This can occasionally happen to people that have a problem with their browser. Usually it's a 'caching' issue whereby your browser is -  incorrectly - retrieving some old pages from your local computer's hard drive that you once viewed when a free member as opposed to going to our site for fresh pages every time as it should.

To fix this on Internet Explorer so that your browser always checks for new pages as it should:

  • Go to the 'Tools' menu of Internet Explorer* then select 'Internet Options'
  • In the middle of the dialog box that pops up there is a section for 'Temporary Internet Files' - select the button for 'Settings' and a sub-dialog box opens

Your browser is now purged of all old pages and will definitely check for new pages when you visit the site. Browsers should 'automatically' do this anyway but automatic detection of new pages doesn't always work in practice for everyone.

Make sure you next log in from the main entrance to the site NOT from any other links on emails or your favourites.

*If you've an older version of Internet Explorer then look for something called 'Options' as opposed to 'Internet Options'. If you're on an old version of Navigator look for 'Preferences' then the setting for 'Temporary Internet Files'.

If this doesn't work it may be that your browser is corrupted/flaky. We suggest you reinstall/upgrade it. Don't worry - browsers are free:  or

My changes don't appear to be saved!!

This is nearly always down to "Caching"...

When you retrieve a page from the Internet your browser usually checks your hard drive to see if you've loaded this page before. If so it retrieves the page from your hard drive because it's quicker than getting a fresh copy from the Internet.

The problem with caching is if the page has changed since the last time you viewed it - you may end up being shown an outdated page from your hard drive if your browser does not check for updates. Your browser may be setup not to check for updates - to establish this on Internet Explorer...

'Tools' menu, select 'Internet Options' then in the Temporary Internet Files section select 'Settings' and make sure it is set to 'Automatic' or 'Every visit to a page'

This website or service is provided “as is” and may contain links or information to or from other members or third parties. Any use of this website or service is at your own risk and constitutes acceptance of our privacy policy ,copyright policy and terms and conditions. This site is operated in partnership with Loveandfriends Ltd, Registered Office 46 Manchester Street London W1U 7LS. Loveandfriends Ltd is 100% committed to fair, genuine, non adult/casual and scammer/spammer free dating. Loveandfriends Ltd adhere to the Guidelines for Shared and Linked Databases and the UK Data Protection Act 1998.